Texas Education Code, Chapter 21. While researching regulations on planning time, I was reading the Texas education code and found this section between the “Mentors” section and the “Mathematics, Science, and Technology Teacher Preparation Academies” section:

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§ 21.459. BIBLE COURSE TRAINING. (a) The commissioner shall develop and make available training materials and other teacher training resources for a school district to use in assisting teachers of elective Bible courses in developing:

(1) expertise in the appropriate Bible course curriculum;

(2) understanding of applicable supreme court rulings and current constitutional law regarding how Bible courses are to be taught in public schools objectively as a part of a secular program of education;

(3) understanding of how to present the Bible in an objective, academic manner that neither promotes nor disparages religion, nor is taught from a particular sectarian point of view;

(4) proficiency in instructional approaches that present course material in a manner that respects all faiths and religious traditions, while favoring none; and

(5) expertise in how to avoid devotional content or proselytizing in the classroom.

(b) The commissioner shall develop materials and resources under this section in consultation with appropriate faculty members at institutions of higher education.

(c) The commissioner shall make the training materials and other teacher training resources required under Subsection (a) available to Bible course teachers through access to in-service training.

(d) The commissioner shall use funds appropriated for thepurpose to administer this section.

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Yes. In Texas, part of our education code provides a method for teaching the Bible. ‘Cause we’re Texas. Do you think they would let a Wiccan teach that?

Today’s debacle I brought on myself. Sometimes I’m just not thinking well. All my students wrote their own conceits in my English class after we read John Donne’s “A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning” - that’s the one where he compares his marriage to one of those math compasses you use to draw a circle where there’s a pointed end and a pencil at the other end, which sounds stupid (the first thing you need for a conceit) and then he explains how their souls are connected and she is his center that keeps him steady and no matter how far he has to travel for work or whatever, they will always lean towards each other and their love will bring him back home - it’s an awesome explanation (second thing you need for a conceit) that just makes me all melty inside.

So, I challenged my senior advanced classes to write their own conceits. Of note, we used a fictional “our”; the poem we were basing this on was about “our marriage”, so a lot of people wrote conceits about “our love” or “our relationship” that is referring to a fictional relationship between themselves and some random person. This is very important to remember as you read. My favorite for the day was “Our relationship is like a big toe. I take it for granted, almost don’t notice it, but if it were broken, not only would I be in pain, but I couldn’t function like myself.” There was also “revenge is like a kiwi - ugly on the outside, but so sweet in the center” and “our love is like whipped cream - so sweet, but soon will dissolve into nothing.” Have you noticed that my kids are brilliant? Yeah, I think so, too.

So, we had a contest for who could come up with the most bizarre conceit in each class. Yeah, the toe won one period. But for my other class, after everybody has announced theirs, one guy says, “I have another one I want to submit instead. Our relationship is like a sandwich.” And I ask him to explain (because, as I said at the beginning of class, if it’s obvious how they’re connected, it isn’t a conceit), and he says, “I’ll leave it up to your imagination,” and I, being an idiot, say, “You have to explain it or it doesn’t count.” So he smiles and answers me, “Our relationship is like a sandwich. It’s better with my meat.”

And the class loses it to laughter. Of course, there’s a couple people trying to explain how it’s possible that that isn’t dirty, but whatever. So I nod and give a short chuckle, because this is actually a very nice guy who’s said this - not like one of the guys who’s normally rude, or I probably would’ve said something - and then move on to take nominations for who’s going to win “craziest conceit” of the class, hoping the uproar will die down. Fat chance. Of course “Sandwich” gets nominated. I turn back to the class and say, “OK, I’m going to write this down on the nomination list, but there is a difference between a joke and a conceit. A conceit needs to be an extended metaphor. Can you extend that?” And a little voice in the back of my head says, “Did I just ask a student to extend his meat?”  Snickers, and then another student says, “Of course. It’s better in a footlong.”

I’ve never before cracked up laughing so hard I had to turn around and face the board. And that was my day at school today.

Didn’t know what an ebelskiver was, but with my eternal pumpkin fetish, when I saw a recipe for Pecan Pumpkin Filled Pancakes on Williams and Sonoma (I never knew how much expensive crap I desperately needed until I found W&S) I thought they sounded cool. Basically, it’s a filled pancake. Then I saw this and saw the picture at the bottom and realized that my life was not complete. Ebelskiver… a new way to reach nirvana? Possibly… Must. Buy. Pan.

Hmm… and now that I found the pumpkin pancakes, I’ve found that W&S has three whole pages on pumpkin recipes, including a soup that looks amazing. Oh, W&S, you are a very tempting devil.

In my area of the world, the deadline is Monday Oct. 6. Are you registered?