I mean, I knew this. If you asked me what I’d like to do more of, the answer is always: travel, but looking at pictures of all these places brought tears to my eyes, along with this clawing fear in my core that I would never get to see it for myself. I know you can’t see the whole world, I know that. But I have seen so damn little of it, and mostly places that I have a firm point of reference for – foreign, but not that foreign.

But I look at the things I’ve decorated my office with… there’s my college diploma which I haven’t quite managed to hang up, and then on the walls there’s two paintings of the beach that I got in Antigua, a colorful mask from my trip to western Mexico, 3 Quexicoatl masks – one from ChichenItza, one from Tulum, and one my friend brought me from Guatemala, a papyrus of Bast that my best friend brought me from Egypt, a mask from Singapore than my parents brought me, a long Jamaican face (along with the good luck beads the man gave me when I bought it), my other leather mask that I got in a gift shop in Barbados, a mermaid fetish a friend brought me from New Orleans, and photographs from Switzerland and Seattle. There are three things on my wall – three total – that are not related to travel: my signed photo of Harrison Ford, my award for Best All Around Girl for the BHS class of ’95, and Moon Baby, a piece of art I won at a silent auction supporting Zach Scott Theater. These are my cherished things that I have chosen to surround myself with, the things that provide the most inspiration in my sanctuary. Even for my walls, I chose a soft, earthy green and did a finish on it that reminded me of woven bamboo. I obviously wanted my office to take me somewhere.

Now travel is expensive, and that’s a big issue. And people say all the time, “Oh, it’s not that much,” but when getting airfare across the ocean starts at over $2000, well, I’m not sure I share their definition of “not that much.” I know it’s a priority issue, but I can’t have 100% my own priorities when I’m married, and saving for the future is important, as is paying for our house and…and…and… the eternal and.

But the fact remains that if I don’t get out and be in other places with other people, and see and eat and walk their streets and touch their spot on the planet, when I look back on my life, I will feel like I failed. I can never get published, and I will be disappointed, but not feel like I failed. I would love to have a family, but if for some reason Scott and I can’t, I will not feel like I failed. Hell, I would love to get my house in order and keep it clean for two days in a row, and I feel like I kinda fail every day for not doing that, but not on a global cosmic, life path sort of way. Just in a… minor personality disorder sort of way. I don’t want a vacation – I have no desire to sit on a beach or ski down a mountain or get on a cruise ship (unless it’s taking me down the Amazon). The world has this; Mila Zinkova (who took the photographs) went there. That means I can, too.

If you see me, don’t encourage me. I think that would upset me; definitely don’t tell me “well, if you just…” This is something that if I fix, I need to fix on my own. You’re welcome to remind me of my cats and how they would hate it if I was gone all the time (that actually works better than finances to calm my wanderlust). But I do post this here as a statement to the world that I have life goals that I have been ignoring, and I need to fix that.

11. No Reservations looks more real than any reality tv I’ve ever seen.

10. His response to eating barely cooked wart hog rectum in Namibia: “The chief is there in front of his whole tribe offering you his very best. Show respect. I’m lucky to be there… Chewing some antibiotics is a small price to pay.”

9. His sexy tattoo.

8. Beirut

7. 38 years of smoking and he quits? Who manages that?

6. He’s a professional French chef that thanks everyone for their food and seems to genuinely enjoy a home cooked meal.

5. Quote: “Yes, I’m arrogant. But I also regularly entertain the possibility, if not the likelihood, that I’m absolutely wrong about everything.”

4. His respect for religion, even though he doesn’t believe in it.

3. His rugged good looks has inspired me to add a My Five list to About Me.

2. Watching his show makes me want to travel everywhere – even places I’m scared to go – just so I can meet people, see their lives and eat their food.

1. He tries so damn hard to be jaded & cranky… and then he watches people with this wide-eyed wonder that makes you love the world.